I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
