I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
