this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
