He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
