Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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