Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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