Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize