If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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