Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I want a musical about memes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
