im about as happy as oj after his trial
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
