ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
