i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
