I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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