he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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