you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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