so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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