Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
