I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
