Just fell off a train. Bad.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
