I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
