it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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