he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
