I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't special order awesome
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
