i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
