I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
