i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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