..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
