Non-Jews are for practice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
