I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
