So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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