Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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