I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
