There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
