Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
