I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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