Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
