I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
