GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
