He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
