Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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