I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
