Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
