I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A+ Viking dick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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