oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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