Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
