Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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