okay pat passed out under dana's car
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
