i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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