i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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