I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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