If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
