You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
