Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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