i wish peter jackson would direct porn
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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