As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
