Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
