Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize