Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
