In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
