Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
