guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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