She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
