the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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