my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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