Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
