She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
50% drunk capacity currently
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
