I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
