we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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