accomplished twins. life is a go
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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