This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
