he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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