seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
