He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's like heaven, but drunker
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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