I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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