He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
