I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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