You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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